True Belonging Needs Both
Welcoming my Wild Twin home from the shadows.
As part of my studies in Eco-Ministry at the Center for Wild Spirituality, I was invited to read “Courting the Wild Twin” by mythologist Martin Shaw. If this is a new author for you, I highly suggest checking him out. His writing style is dazzling. His storytelling is mesmerizing. As he says on page 4 of the book, “...words can have fur and light in them. Words can constrict, words can liberate. Bad storytellers make spells. Good storytellers break them.” How delightful! He had me at hello with this book.
In “Courting the Wild Twin'' Shaw breaks down an ancient European fairytale called, “The Lindworm” about the mysterious wild twin located deep inside all of us. It’s a horrific story on many levels. It’s the kind of story you have to let roll around on your tongue for a bit. It tastes different the more you play with it. The gist is that when we are born, we have a wild twin that is tossed out the window at birth. This is the part of ourselves that we exile to fit in with society. Our wild twin waits for us, making little appearances from time to time in our lives. Eventually the wild twin emerges and demands what is rightfully theirs - an equal place at the table of our consciousness.
My wild twin has been in the shadows for decades. I call her Babs, my childhood nickname, as she is sparkly like a fairy from the childhood stories told by my maternal grandmother who was in many ways like a fairy godmother. What I’ve come to learn is that my grandmother, who passed on when I was 9 years old from a form of blood cancer, has been keeping Babs safe with her all these years while I let Barbara, the strait-laced conservative finance professional take the lead.
Barbara likes process. She is curious about systems and technology. There is always an answer, and she will dig in until she finds it. Business process redesign lights her up. Barbara is responsible and fiscally conservative. She is the one that climbed the corporate ladder and got an A in class. She’s the good girl who grew up with a strong desire to please others. A former manager once described her as “freakishly independent” in her annual performance review. She was also exhausted and burned out from constant striving for more.
Babs on the other hand is passionate about color - jewel tones light her up especially when found in nature. She is creative and full of wonder and awe at the smallest little things. She’s still childlike in many ways yet she is wise beyond her years, an innocent sage if you will. Babs adores a sunset and talks to animals frequently. She loves to write and paint and go on retreats in nature where she can be fully present and at peace. Babs is deeply connected to Spirit and believes all beings, human and more than human, are connected through a divine light.
Over the course of my life, Babs has made appearances to remind me there is more to life than work. For example, most of the time my office is a raging mess. It’s full of books and plants. I have heart shaped rocks on my desk. I have a bowl full of feathers I collected while out on my wanders. Each one holds a story. I always have essential oils at the ready and never have to look far to see one of my fur babies napping nearby. It’s a cozy chaos full of color and magic, yet invisible to anyone on a zoom call I needed to conduct. That “woo-woo” part of me was well hidden below camera view only to be revealed to safe audiences of friends and family who held similar interests.
Once I became conscious of how exiled Babs had become it broke my heart. As I invited her out of the shadows, I asked her who she was and how she wanted to show up in the world. I visualized her and breathed her essence into my body, welcoming her home. This is what she told me.
I am creative. I am bold in my love of color. I wear it on my body and on the walls of my home. I am not afraid to invite people in, to be seen. I can be loud, especially when I laugh with my whole body. I express myself boldly through art, poetry and dance. I share my voice aloud and through the written word. I am confident, grounded and knowing.
I am deeply connected to Spirit, and I see Spirit in all beings. I am my own guru. Other’s opinions of me are not my concern. I fly free and go where Spirit takes me. I am not burdened by clocks or a schedule. I am disorganized - messy even. I accept all parts of my flawed beautiful self. Because of this I am fully and confidently ME.
I wanted to believe these things were true of me, but were they? Is this really who I am? It seemed decadent, dangerous even. Was this the definition of a good girl who spent so many decades striving to do the right thing? I always thought this was some distant version of myself. The type reserved for manifestation workshops of an ideal future self. “Someday” I would say to the wind when dreaming about writing, painting and leading my own spiritual retreats. She would listen and wait. “Someday”, she would echo back.
My work in the Eco-Ministry program broke me wide open. “Someday” became now or never. Babs was tired of waiting, so she took control. Barbara willingly let her. She was exhausted and burned out from all the striving and trying to do the next right thing. She would often think, “I can’t do this one more day.” Luckily, Babs was ready to take the reins and let Barbara rest. And that’s what happened for several months while Barbara recovered after resigning from her VP role at a fintech company.
Resigning from a great job at an amazing company was a courageous move, one that Barbara would never have allowed if she wasn’t so tired. Babs cheered her bravery and got to work playing with writing, art, nature and just being present in the world. Babs let Barbara rest and as time went on, they learned how to hold hands with one another, moving through life together. They bring out the best in each other. Together they are a whole person.
What I’ve come to learn as I recover from burnout and heal is that I need both twins. Both Barbara and Babs have a place. If either one takes the lead I am out of balance. While I love time freedom to go on wanders in the middle of the day on a Thursday, I also miss the stability and feelings of productivity that come with working a traditional job. So, I’ve started to add back in project work that supports Barbara. She didn’t need to be exiled the way Babs was. She just needed time to heal.
As I move forward in life, I will do my best to keep both twins happy. Both are needed to be me.
Be well and frolic on!
If you would like to explore your own wild twin, check out my website or contact me below. I’d be delighted to be of service to you on your own journey to find your frolic.
Barbara Doane is a writer, clarity coach and entrepreneurial doula. She works with individuals one-on-one to help them find clarity of purpose and birth their ideas out into the world. Work with Barbara to create a life that regenerates instead of depletes your soul. Our time here is limited. Stop waiting for “someday.” It’s time to Find Your Frolic today.
