This is 52
A journey of burnout, belonging and wild becoming.
Sometimes I just know things. I can’t explain it. It comes through me from something bigger than I am. When I was deep in the corporate world, I knew that I wanted to reach the vice president level. That felt clear. Anything beyond that was foggy. I also knew that I never wanted to stop working. I wanted a next chapter — a time when I would shift to work that felt aligned to a soul calling rather than a societal expectation of what I “should” do. For some reason, I knew that shift would come at 52.
In 2021, I reached the career milestone I’d been chasing. I was 47. About six months into that journey the elation of finally reaching something I’d been dreaming about and striving for wore off. I was left feeling a little dead inside. There had to be more to life than this, right?! I remember telling a trusted colleague that I felt like something was dying but wasn’t sure what it was. She pointed out I was having a death to striving. She was right.
Soon after I found myself on a trip to Scotland that changed my life. You can read more about that here if you don’t already know the story. The short version is that I touched a stone that had a message for me. I needed to find the connection to spirituality and nature. That led me to the Center for Wild Spirituality and into the Seminary of the Wild Earth.
I enrolled in the program not really sure of what to expect. I emerged changed. By learning how to enter into a sacred conversation with the natural world, I was able to find true belonging. I welcomed home parts of myself I had long exiled to fit in. On my first day I described myself as a “strategic thinker.” At my graduation ceremony I described myself as someone who “comes from glitter and lives in alignment with the moon.” Talk about a shift!
The program helped me drop out of my head and into my body with practices and invitations designed for embodied experiential learning and growth. I learned to listen deeply. Most importantly I learned to trust my own inner authority and ways of knowing.
At 48 an opportunity presented itself. There was a shift in leadership at my company—this happens a lot in the corporate world. I was standing at a threshold. I could either be all in for the new guy or I could be all in for myself. I took myself to the woods to listen deeply to what was next. I soon realized that I was exhausted, on the edge of burnout but also desperately wanting to find out what would happen if I dared to take my dreams out of a box labeled “someday”.
But was it too soon? I wasn’t supposed to actually step into my new chapter until 52, right?
I took the leap anyway. I said goodbye to a generous corporate salary and said hello to myself. I gave myself time to rest. I tried on a bunch of things to see what fit — some did and some did not. Writing stuck. Podcasting not so much, although I do have 9 episodes I’m proud of.
Writing has become a companion for healing, creativity and connection with something bigger, more meaningful. It brings enchantment to my life every time I pick up a pen to play in my journal or sit down at the keyboard. It is pure magic.
I credit writing with playing a big part in my healing journey toward wholeness, but the biggest contributor to my healing process has been my relationship with the natural world — the Holy Wild.
On Sunday, May 17th, I turned 52. This birthday does in fact feel like another threshold crossing. I spent the day on the water in celebration surrounded by the natural world with dear friends, both of the human and more-than-human kind.
Even though I left the corporate world a few months before my 49th birthday, it has taken a few years for the full integration to that next chapter I always dreamed about to occur. I had to rest and begin to heal. I had to learn how to co-create with the Holy Wild. I had to do more listening. I had to try, fail, get up and try again. I had to learn how to continue to show up even when it felt really hard and lonely. It’s all part of the process.
If you are feeling burned out on the hustle culture and longing for something more, I encourage you to take some quiet time in nature to listen to what’s next for you. Once you decide to follow your inner longing, give yourself grace. You can’t flip a switch to turn off hustle and turn on wholeness. It’s a process that takes time and integration to cross the threshold.
Now, at 52 I finally feel aligned. My work in the world feels like something I get to do vs. something I have to do. I am living life as a whole person — mind, body and spirit. I have found my frolic. This is 52.
Come frolic with me on retreat. I am delighted to be part of the Sacred Conversations Retreat with Victoria Loorz and the Center for Wild Spirituality on July 29-Aug 2nd, 2026. The retreat is taking place of one of my favorite places — Seven Oaks Retreat Center in Madison, Virginia. It is the first place I ever experienced a retreat. It is wonderful to return and hold space for others deepening into Eco-spirituality.
Join Seminary of the Wild Earth. Registration is open for the fall cohort of Seminary of the Wild Earth. If something in you is stirring toward deeper community, weekly practice, and a rewilding of spirituality and vocation, this is a good moment to explore whether the Crow Cohort might be that container for you. I’m happy to chat and share more of my experience with you.
In addition to writing, Barbara Doane is an Idea Doula and the founder of Find Your Frolic. She believes that when you birth an idea into the world, you don’t just create something new - you become someone new. Her unique approach blends practical insights from decades of experience launching new products to market woven together with intuitive, heart-centered mentoring. You are the creator. She is the companion who helps you stay aligned and accountable. Let’s frolic.
Your works speak to me … and your soul work is so inspiring! I’ve loved watching your transformation during this journey and finding your true self! Keep frolicking on my friend!
Birthday wishes for a year full of frolicking💕